You’re Allowed to Set Boundaries (And You Don’t Have to Apologize for It)

There was a time when I didn’t even know boundaries were a thing. I certainly didn’t know I was allowed to have them. Somewhere along the way, I picked up the belief that saying “yes” was the price of love and belonging. That if I was accommodating enough, agreeable enough, or selfless enough, I’d be valued.

Spoiler alert: That’s not how it works.

Instead of feeling loved, I felt exhausted. Instead of feeling valued, I felt taken for granted. I gave and gave—my time, my energy, my emotional bandwidth—until I had nothing left to hold onto. And then, one day, I realized something that changed everything: boundaries aren’t walls; they’re lifelines.

Saying “no” can feel like rejection, like you’re shutting people out or letting them down. But the truth is, boundaries aren’t about pushing people away. They’re about making sure you can show up fully, honestly, and with love. Think of them like the rules on an airplane: put your oxygen mask on first. You can’t help anyone else if you’re running on empty. Boundaries protect your energy, your peace, and your sense of self. And the best part? They make your relationships healthier, not weaker.

For years, I said “yes” to things I didn’t want to do. I said “yes” when I was exhausted. I said “yes” when I felt pressured. I said “yes” when I really, really wanted to say “no.” And every single one of those yeses came with a hidden cost—resentment. Then, I learned the power of a “clean yes.” A clean yes is given freely, without guilt, pressure, or obligation. It feels light. It feels honest. It doesn’t come with strings attached. So now, I ask myself a few questions before I say yes. Am I saying yes because I genuinely want to? Will I feel good about this decision later? Am I agreeing out of fear, guilt, or a sense of obligation? If my yes feels heavy, it’s probably not clean. And if it’s not clean, it’s a sign that I need a boundary.

I won’t lie—setting boundaries can feel terrifying. You might worry about hurting people’s feelings, losing relationships, or being seen as difficult. And honestly? Sometimes, setting boundaries does shake things up. But the people who truly respect and care for you won’t leave just because you start honoring yourself. And the ones who make you feel guilty for setting boundaries? They’re the ones who benefited most from your lack of them.

Start small. If the idea of saying “no” makes your stomach knot up, try phrases like: I can’t commit to that right now. I appreciate the invite, but I need some time for myself. I’d love to help, but I have too much on my plate. That doesn’t work for me. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. “No” is a complete sentence. And the more you practice, the easier it gets.

At the end of the day, boundaries aren’t just about protecting your time—they’re about protecting your peace. They’re about reclaiming yourself. They’re about saying, “I matter. My needs matter. My voice matters.” If this is something you’re working on, you’re not alone. I’ve been there. And I promise you—it gets easier. It gets lighter. It gets better.

If this resonates with you, I dive even deeper into boundaries and how they shape our lives in my book, Disrupt Your Default: Rethink, Reclaim, and Redefine Your Life. Join my email list and be the first to know when it drops in March.

So, what’s one boundary you need to set today? What’s one “no” that will give you the space to say a clean, wholehearted “yes” to yourself? Start there. Your future self will thank you for it.